♥ Hello everyone! I’m so sorry for not writing in a couple days, I had a lot on my mind. I would like to talk about one thing specific and that’s those who are really there for you.
As time has been going on I have learned a lot about who actually cares. There could be a friend who is going through some tough times that you extremely care about. I tried so hard to be the best friend i could be… I listened, helped, and cared more than anything. I was there day and night, listening to every word that was said and giving heart to heart advice. I always looked for ways to cheer them up and let them know they were loved. I cant stand seeing loved ones hurting and feeling down, it breaks my heart to pieces.
Slowly things started changing… I was going through hard times being both sick and in pain. Even when i was so sick i couldn’t move I still took the time to visit and check up and see how everything was. As time went on I noticed something… They weren’t there for me. I would go days and weeks, sometimes even months without hearing from them or checking in to see if i was okay. I felt hurt and forgotten thinking about it.. I still do feel hurt and forgotten. I was in a deep part of life where i was looking for my friends but i couldn’t see them. Most went their own ways with not a care in the world about me, almost like i was pushed to the side. As people started hearing and seeing how sick i was getting they would just walk away and not contact me anymore.
I try to reconnect with old friends who i knew from before, and that really showed me how fast people can change. They turn the story onto me as if everything was my fault.. I can’t help being in pain all the time! I never asked or wished for this, it’s something i had no say over. Why would i want to live everyday with constant pain? That’s right, I don’t. Everyday i wish i could be doing what people my age could do!
Playing Sports… Nope Being able to eat normally… Nope Walking and running around… Nope Going out with friends… Nope
Those are some of the small things that i wish i could do but physically can’t. I used to love playing and running around but as of now, I can’t even do a sit up. I may laugh about the things I can’t do, but inside it kills me. Will I ever be able to do something like that? Probably not. I feel like a young girl trapped in a body that can’t be my own for my age.
Everyday is hard thinking i’m not going to have the life i dreamed.. I’m going to have to change route. All I dreamed of as a little girl vanished before my eyes. But one thing i have that others don’t, is a way to connect and be there for people who are in similar situations and that can relate. I’m able to share my stories and help educate those who may have never dealt with some of these chronic issues. Through this journey of having a blog and sharing what i feel helps me so much. I have talked to some amazing people who get what i’m going through. I also want to thank my family and friends who were there and continue to support me! We can get through this together! Zebra Strong! ♥
-Stay Beautiful ♥