♥ When Chronic Illness Brings On Depression and Anxiety (Mental Health)

⊗⊗⊗⊗ Trigger Warning ⊗⊗⊗⊗

Chronic Illness can be an extremely difficult thing to process and deal with on a day to day basis. It’s not something you can just get used to.. Everyday things are changing and you’re constantly facing new challenges, and experiencing so many different emotions. This a lot of the time brings on Depression and Anxiety in many people of all ages.

Depression and Anxiety is very common in the chronic illness community, making everything that much more difficult for us to handle and take in. It all can cause such big life changes and limit or take away your mobility and independence, making everything that much more harder to cope with. It is reckoned that up to one-third of people with a serious medical condition show signs and traits of depression and anxiety.  Chronic Illness not only effects us physically but mentally and emotionally  too.

A lot of times we are so used to not so good things happening in our lives and to our health, that when someone or something amazing comes into or happens to our lives, when we are feeling happier than ever and see our future coming together, we unknowingly start to push them away and lose sight of everything, because we are so used to things never turning out or going right for us. Then you don’t notice what you’re doing before it’s to late and it rips you apart more than ever, it gives you the biggest heartache and you target yourself once again for your wrong doings.

You just see yourself messing up all the good in your life and pushing away all you’ve ever wanted and loved, and the feelings of depression and anxiety come into full swing again. The despair and sadness, the grief, loneliness, regret, the deep pit in your chest and stomach, It’s a never ending cycle. Then you just sit there wondering why you are the way you are, and wishing you could change it and redo where you did wrong.

All the over thinking and what if’s, the worrying over nothing, and seeing little things as such big deals. You turn something that usually wouldn’t bother you into such a big deal, and make it seem so extreme. You know you’re doing it but yet you don’t really know how to stop it.

Besides the physical and mental challenges it brings, medications can a lot of times play apart in your depression and anxiety too. Sometimes a change in medication for depression and anxiety or a medical problem can actually make it worse, it all depends on the person. If this were to happen, contact your doctor as soon as you can to inform them and to figure out a new plan.

People cope and manage their emotions and pain in many different ways. Some shut everyone out and go completely silent, some feel the need to hurt themselves to neutralize the pain.. feeling as if they deserve it, and sadly some take it a step further. I wish depression and anxiety was more known and educated about, and accepted before people get to this point in their lives that they feel the needs to do this..

This is an extremely difficult and hard thing for many of us to deal with and come to terms with. Of course we don’t want to feel like this or be like this…nobody does. Although it is a side of chronic illnesses that a lot of people don’t know is so common amongst us, there are many more demons that we fight.

This is something I, personally have troubles with, and wish it was seen and taken more seriously. I have gone through many hardships myself, and many moments i wish I could take back and or redo. I wish it was looked at and noticed for how severe it can be, and how much hurt it can bring to that person. How hard it is to not only struggle with severe daily pain and sickness, but the struggle and thoughts you go through in your head both mentally and emotionally.

If everyone could take a moment and get to know everyone and their struggles they experience daily, and learn to accept and take them for who they are, and break the stigma about mental health and other disorders, maybe the world wouldn’t always be such a harsh place.



Thank you everyone so much, I hope you enjoy my post and I’ll try to do more

Stay Beautiful


♥ Health Updates 3/2020-4/2020

Before I go into detail about what has been going on with my health now, let me give you an idea of what happened in July of 2019. Skip Down to the red heart () for the most recent updates.

July 2019: I woke up and felt pretty normal, about mid day I started getting some pain in my neck and jaw, and slowly a little bit in my chest. As evening came around I found it kind of hard to breathe so I took a breathing treatment hoping it would calm everything down. After my treatment the tightness died down but the pain came full force through  out my arm, shoulder, chest, and neck. My Mom took me to the Emergency room where they checked my heart and making sure I didn’t have a pulmonary embolism. I was cleared later that night and told that maybe it was a condition from my Fibromyalgia side of things called, Costochondritis. – “When fibromyalgia causes inflammation of the cartilage that joins the upper ribs to the breastbone, it results in a condition called costochondritis. The resulting pain may be confused with heart-related pain.

I went to a follow up appointment 3 days later with my PCP and had high blood pressure and of course my high heart rate (avg. 130bpm sitting).

A few days later, woke up feeling very weird and spacey and decided I wanted to try to get in the shower to help my muscles and all. I started to feel real lethargic and had to call for my mom to help me out. I had severe confusion, high blood pressure, and incredibly high heart rate (avg. 180 bpm sitting) I was very weak so they got me into my recliner. As I laid there my legs started going into spasms, bad cramping, and Myoclonic jerking. I was having such confusion I didn’t know what to do or couldn’t recall anything.

We decided to wait a couple minutes for the spasming and cramping to stop. Within minutes I started to feel a tickling numbness all down my left side from head to toe, I tried calling out only to find I wasn’t really talking or making noise. My mom and sister took me and put me in the car and rushed me to the hospital. They immediately rushed me back into triage, people started rushing around me and started examining me, starting IVs, and doing all types of test on me. The doctor called out that I was an 8/10 on the stroke scale and to rush me back to the scanning machines.  After about a total of 8 hours of me being like this, they told my mom that they didn’t see any signs of an active stroke so they thought it was a TIA (Transient ischemic attack) because my symptoms resolved for the most part, unlike a full on stroke where there will be significant damage done for a long extended period of time.

They didn’t know what caused it so they took bloodwork to check for everything and anything and test after test.. head to toe, inside and out. They thought maybe it was my Migraines. However, My cardiologist wasn’t convinced since I’ve had heart problems in the past and at birth, and wanted to do a bubble test of my heart to check for any type of holes, tears, or injury. He came back in after my test, and told my mom and I he saw bubbles through my heart on the test. He was concerned on what to do next because putting in a plug or catheter would do more damage to my heart because of my connective tissues. I was hospitalized for about a week, He wanted to do a transesophageal echo (TEE) to get a closer look at my heart. He cleared me and said it surprisingly looked good and he saw no holes! There have been occasional problems since then but nothing too big or concerning.


March and April 2020: I started, was and still am having constant headaches sometimes migraines, my emotions and mood were fluxuating, and ive been having terrible memory loss and trouble recalling what things are right away and eye issues. I was having trouble recalling things I’ve done earlier in the day like talk on the phone with my doctors.

About a week ago I had another heart attack like episode that was like the one I had before but maybe worse. I decided to stay home and suffer it out, because the whole Covid-19 would have put me at more risk going to the hospital, and they wouldn’t have been able to do much for me. The severe cramping in my jaw, neck, arm, and chest continued strong for about 2 hours, i then took tylenol and it calmed down a bit. I woke up the next day and could still feel it but it wasnt as severe.

We too now believe i have bleeding ulcers, excruciating pain that doubles me over and makes me sick. Couple days later I had yet another episode that lasted only about 30 minutes. Everyday my symptoms of my ulcers continue making me sick all the time and cause me so much pain. I was supposed to get GI imaging done last month but they cancelled it due to the Covid-19 pandemic. They put me on a medication to help try and control it, which I hope it helps and works. I worry it may do some deep damage but am hoping for the best. With all of these mood changes, memory loss, pain episodes, ulcers, eyes etc. really does concern me. I was doing pretty with my health for a while and all this comes along so quick. It is quite scary but my doctors are in contact with us trying to figure stuff out. If I got through all the health problems ive already faced, I can get through this.. 

I ask that those of you with Chronic Illnesses please, please, PLEASE always take major concern to things that don’t feel right and feel wrong to your body and talk to your doctors and get them checked ASAP. No one knows your body better than you do, something feels out of sorts take the actions to get the help you need.

I apologize if somethings don’t sound right, I was trying my best to process this into words for you all

~Stay Beautiful! ♥